I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
