Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
