Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
one might say we're banned from that church
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
