Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
