Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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