Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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