Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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