Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
