what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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