I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
