Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
