You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Damn victory sex feels great
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
