i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
