is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize