Don't you send me to vm
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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