My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
