Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
