There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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