it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
