So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i believe in u and ur pee
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
