God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
