I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
