hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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