you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
