Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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