four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
