His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
