This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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