forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
