You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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