I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize