we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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