i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
