when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
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In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
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it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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