hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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