i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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