I wish I could teleport
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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