Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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