shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
