do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Randomize
