No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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