i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize