Can i not drive my cunt home
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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