you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
