she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
