If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
