Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
