Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
