You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
