She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
