My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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