how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
