She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
