if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
