Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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