Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
