Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
