remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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