id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
