she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
