I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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