we should wear snuggies to the strip club
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
