Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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