I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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