So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
