Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
