I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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