I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I can't turn off my feet"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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