im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
